21st Sunday in Ordinary Time - B 2024

Every now and then you will run across passages in Scripture that tend to rub some people the wrong way.  These difficult verses elicit a visceral reaction causing us to ignore them and sweep them under the rug in embarrassment.  However, Scripture is the inspired Word of God and so we have the duty and obligation to grapple with the proposed truth at hand.  We have such a difficult passage in our second reading today when St. Paul says that “wives should be subordinate to their husbands.”

Many have labeled Paul as a misogynist and have chalked up the inspiration of these words to nothing more than the popular prejudices of his time and culture.  However, I want to unpack this passage, show why this isn’t the case, and illustrate what St. Paul is getting at because the truths embedded in the fifth chapter of St. Paul’s Letter to the Ephesians are needed now more than ever.

First, we need to understand the context in which Paul is preaching.  He is writing to the Christians in Ephesus who had converted from paganism.  As pagans they had a radically different understanding of human nature and the nature of marriage.  For pagans, the woman was considered inferior to the man.  Certain behaviors such as infidelity were not an issue for pagans.  Men considered wives for childbearing and mistresses for pleasure.  And so Paul is trying to dismantle the Ephesians’ faulty notions and present them with the truth that Jesus offers.  He begins by saying “be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ.”  He challenges the Ephesians to mutual subjection.  Paul is not calling for a one-sided subjection in which the husband is superior and the wife inferior in dignity.  Because Paul is a Jew, he presupposes the equality in dignity of man and woman who were both created in the image and likeness of God.  The only way that mutual subjection can happen is if both parties are equal and have the choice of subjecting themselves to the other.

Subjection does not mean inequality or inferiority.  If you look at St. Paul’s First Letter to the Corinthians, he notes that at the end of time the Son will be subjected to the Father (cf. 1 Cor 15:28).  Is Paul implying that God the Son and God the Father are not coequal?  Certainly not.  Rather, there is a distinction in the role each person in the Trinity plays.  In Paul’s Letter to the Ephesians, he is not implying that women are inferior to men but rather that they play different roles in their relation to each other.  He is claiming that within the relationships of the family the man is the spiritual leader and head of the family.  A husband and father is called to lead his family to Christ.  He is called to love his wife as Christ loved the Church.  Man is the head and woman is the heart.  This does not mean that the woman is to be a doormat to the man and that blind obedience is asked of her.  In the words of Pope Pius XI,

“This subjection, however, does not deny or take away the liberty which fully belongs to the woman both in view of her dignity as a human person, and in view of her most noble office as wife and mother and companion; nor does it bid her obey her husband's every request if not in harmony with right reason or with the dignity due to wife… But it forbids that exaggerated liberty which cares not for the good of the family; it forbids that in this body which is the family, the heart be separated from the head to the great detriment of the whole body and the proximate danger of ruin.” (Casti Conubii, 27)

When many read the fifth chapter of Ephesians they tend to think that Paul is a misogynist and that the wives have it tough whereas the husbands have it easy.  Wives must be subject and recognize the headship of the husband and the husband must simply love his wife.  In a culture where we reduce the notion of love to mere emotion, it can be easy to think that the men have it easy in Paul’s blueprint of marriage.  However, Paul commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the Church.  And how did Christ love the Church?  By dying for her on the cross.  If love is defined as choosing to sacrifice for the good of the other and the standard of that love is the crucifixion, the husbands are clearly not off the hook.

Our culture has a deficient understanding of how men and women ought to relate to each other in marriage.  The culture sees men and women in competition with each other, viewing the other as a threat to their autonomy.  “If I am to find happiness, I have to watch out for myself” they will say.  But Paul invites husbands and wives to make a gift of themselves to the other, realizing that the expression of these mutual gifts will be different but equally important, diverse but complementary.  Mutual subjection, mutual sacrifice is needed.

Now, this mutual subjection and expression of living out the relationship head and the heart, lover and beloved, is going to vary based on particular circumstances.  There is no one-size-fits-all approach to how men and women must live out their marriage.  To demand such is only to demand a caricature of marriage.  I have seen many holy families in which the man exercises his spiritual headship in unique ways.  It is for husbands and wives to discern how they live out their marriage.  But the bottom line is that men are called to be the spiritual leaders, living up to the standard of Christ and putting to death their selfishness for the family.  Women are called to receive this love and support their husbands.

In our world which drifts further and further away from God, we need heroic men and women to faithfully live out the vocation of marriage.  We need men to step up to the plate and take their responsibility of spiritual leadership seriously.  We need women to love their husbands and be the heart of the family.  The family is the building block of society.  And the more that husbands and wives strive to imitate the love between Jesus and the Church, the more society will be turned back to God.